haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
