I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
