erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize