she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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