my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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