Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
