omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
