meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
