you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
