so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
