Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
