i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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