Well douche your snatch and let's go!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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