i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
