That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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