I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
