Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
