How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
