Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
