I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
