I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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