Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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