Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
