theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
