Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
