my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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