soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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