so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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