in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
