Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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