so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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