I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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