Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
