i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your penis caused this!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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