Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
