did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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