Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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