they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
