Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize