imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
