Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
