I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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