Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
