Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
