Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
