At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
