How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I looked at my own cervix.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
God, I missed his penis.
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