I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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