yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
