You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
