rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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