I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i will never coherently bang her
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
