the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
