News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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