the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
