i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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