I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize