You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize