ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
