Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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