new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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