My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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