Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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