I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
