Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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