so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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