either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A+ Viking dick
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
