dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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