chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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