Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
