Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
