She's JV to your varsity
i was born a porn star she said
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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