i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
