I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
