im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
