So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
