we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
