I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
