Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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